I suspect it has something to do with the fact that we do not want to be alone. As a group we are able to help those who need helping and interaction seems to be quite essential to being a human or some other animal. In nature loneliness is essentially a death sentence, which is why I believe that humans adopted this need for others from either Intelligent Design or Evolution or what have you. So why did humans adopt feelings and emotion? These largely frustrating constructs seem to do a lot of damage to many groups who do not share the same beliefs and we are crushed when certain events occur that we find "heart-breaking." This perplexes me on a level that I have yet to come across so far.
Is there truly a purpose for emotion? At least in my experience it appears to have been more of a burden than an aid when shaping my own identity. Perhaps this is why I continue to suppress them as much as possible, and in doing so, I think that I am dehumanizing myself, which then leads to drifting away from those who I've actually gotten close to. And I hate it.
I want to change this part of myself, to open up and have more confidence, but I find that the more I desire this, the less I work toward attaining it and I wonder how other people do it in a way that appears completely natural to me. This only leads to frustration and self doubt, which, as you can imagine, is not very good toward my ultimate goal of breaking the walls of isolationism that I have built around me for the past 20 years.
Typically, I find solace in solitude, however, by some strange occurrence, I decided to create a Facebook page, which triggered some change in my mind telling me to communicate with people: people that I am close to, people that I am acquainted with and people that I knew from years ago. Perhaps in this way I have become more confident through the impersonal contact of a computer screen and keyboard, but real, human interaction is still beyond my grasp at this time. For what I can only remember being the first time in my life, I want to be near someone and I don't have the skills required... Yet.
To be continued...
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I think your right when you say that we dehumanize ourselves by supressing our emotions. I believe we were created with them for a reason and they are a beautiful thing. Its inevitable that we find ourselves at least once, but probably a lot more than one time, damaged or hurt by others. I personally believe that that is the way God created and intended things to be. Not that he intends for us to be hurt by people but that he wants us to find our satisfaction and fulfillment in life within Him and who He is. Its natural to go on the defense when we are hurt by others so that we won't have to experience those feelings again. But its those very feelings that make us human. Yes they suck but once we realize that we can find fullfilment and love and human need in Christ, or in God, then we can learn to embrace those feeling of hurt and hopefully find that they can even be turned into something good. Thats one of the beauties of life. But i think it can only be found in Christ. I'm not one to shove any belief down anybody's throat. In fact i really dislike religion and the oppression it can bring. I am totally open to anybody's belief and love to discuss it with them (not argue) But i do believe in the Bible and all that it contains. And that Jesus is the way, truth and life. I know thats a bold thing to say. And i'm sure there are many many things that i can not comprehend or begin to answer when it comes to things of the bible but its where i stand i guess.
ReplyDeleteI know you don't really know me but I enjoyed reading this. Its nice to hear someone speaking truthfully from the heart and not claiming to totally understand it all. Its how we can all connect and relate.
...anyway, i'd love to converse about such things with you sometime possibly? if not, keep bloggin and i'll try to keep readin :)
you have a great night and God bless.
-caleb davis
and i don't know why but i felt like posting this too:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk
Tater. You can hang with me and a few friends; it'll be spectacular. I only recently learned this, but sometimes it's best just to let your thinking side go. Just learn to feel the moment, have fun, be stupid. Not stupid I'm going to kill myself, but embarrass yourself stupid, and not worry about it kind. Sorry I've been a workaholic quite a ton recently, but I will always have time for my friends, so just give me a call.
ReplyDeleteThanks Shemit, I shall take you up on it at some point
ReplyDelete